“I ‘most 90 but I ain’t old yet.”
This month will make two years since the death of my mother’s sister, Elva Minnis.
Eulogies are never easy to write. Trying to compose an essay amid emotional turmoil causes most eulogies to be flat statements of fact or splendiferous fantasy.
Here, the passage of years has made the happy times stand out and the sad ones more bearable. Hopefully, in this eulogy, I can pass on most of what I learned from aunt Elva.
God’s Grace
I started asking Aunt Elva what she wanted for her 86 birthday months in advance. Her answer was always the same, “ Chil’ I don’t need nothing except God’s grace.” Whenever I brought the subject up the answer was always the same until one night, it wasn’t.
“ Aunt Elva what do you want for your birthday?”
“ you know what I want Jerry? I want a tattoo”, she says while patting her sizable backside.
“Yes! One on each side”
SAY WHAAAT?
She continued, “ and you know that thing called the thong? I want one of them too!”
By this point, Aunt Elva’s stepson is hooting with laughter. Exasperated I tell her if I caught someone touching her with a tattoo needle, I’d beat them to death myself. Her point was made and I stopped bothering her.
What did Aunt Elva think was God’s grace? food in her stomach, clothes on her back, a roof over her head, and people to share/laugh with.
If television and social media have taught me anything, it is that God’s grace is not sufficient to keep me happy. I always need more, especially on my birthday.
Years later, I understand what was important to Aunt Elva and why.
Humour
“ Tony Allen head shaped like when a child is trying to draw a circle”
Mr. Tony Allen was a petty shop owner in my neighborhood. His head was oddly-shaped, his skin a dingy shade of reddish- yellow and he was covered in freckles, including the inside of his mouth. On top of this, his wife was an extremely jealous woman.
This combination was too much for Aunt Elva to pass up. Whenever she needed a laugh or had a hard day, she’d go and gossip with Tony Allen and his wife. He was a friendly man always willing to talk. Both he and Aunt Elva had moved from the island of Eleuthera to Nassau and so had plenty in common. I’m sure he enjoyed their conversations but truthfully Aunt Elva was there for laughs. She’d marvel at his features and wonder what reason his wife had to be jealous.
Tony Allen died twenty years before Aunt Elva and in all that time I never heard her say a mean thing about him. She would still laugh at his memory on occasions.
My aunt saw the world as a place filled with things to be amazed by and laugh about, including herself. Here are some tips for a daily laugh:
- Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out alive.
- Read Number Two on this list
- People who say nice things to your face are not always your friends, so it follows that those who laugh behind your back are not always enemies.
Service
My aunt worked for more than 70 years as a maid/housekeeper. She worked in various homes and guest houses until landing a job in the gated community of Lyford Cay. This job meant that sometimes she’d work seven days a week for several months each year.
Well into her 80’s she’d drive miles to go to ‘work’ but at this point she was really company for her ‘missus’ who was around the same age. With hours on her feet serving other people and cleaning up their messes, you’d think Aunt Elva would go home and rest.
No. Here is why.
The Thompson Clan was raised with one governing belief, “Every tub on its bottom and every man on his own two feet.” Personal Responsibility and Independence have been hammered into us for generations. Further, some of us are hot-tempered and others can hold grudges for years. This mixture means that petty disagreements can turn into feuds (The longest feud is entering its 54th year). Neither the offender nor the offended will admit to needing each other ever again. What happens in a family when no one will climb down from their foolish pride?
Aunt Elva is coming to have a long talk with you. If you know what’s good for you, you will talk with her because no one else will listen. If you show that you can’t get along with her, then you’ll be shunned by all of us.
Holding this family together was the work of a hero requiring the patience of a saint. Always sharing, always listening, without her guidance the lives my cousins and I would have much harder.
“Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God. Matthew 5 verse 9
Kindness
I’m visiting aunt Elva after work. The sun is going down and we’re having a pleasant conversation. She looks at the clock and gets up with the struggles of an overweight 80-year-old.
“‘Scuse me a minute”. She gathers a bag and walks out the front door. Ten minutes go by, then 20, and after 30 minutes she comes back in and tries to pick up the conversation where we left off without an explanation. I go along for a while before I ask, “Where you been?”
“Why you need to know my business?”
This is the standard answer anytime questions concern here whereabouts. After giving me a cut eye (side-eye for you Americans) she smiles and tells me, “Right up the road to help the old people.”
Over the course of several visits, I learn that the ‘old people’ are infirm husband and wife. The man is two years younger than aunt Elva and the wife suffering from dementia is younger than both of them. This twice-daily trip to help old people goes on for months until the couple’s children removed them from their home. I never found out when she started caring the ‘old’ couple.
“Virtue Signaling” is to say or do good things so as to demonstrate a high moral character.
Aunt Elva would have preferred to jump off the Paradise Island Bridge before making a show of her charity.
There is so much pressure to care about all of the injustices in the world. We are bombarded with requests to donate our time, our money, our emotions to the causes of humans and animals. But, what about the people next door, down the road, in your church, neighbourhood, house? A little act of daily kindness probably does more to heal our planet than anything else.
Life
It would be so easy to go on endlessly about a person who meant so much to me.
My aunt lived a full life, she loved to travel, she loved to laugh and she loved us. Every human has their quirks and faults and she was no exception.
Often we get so busy living that we don’t ask “What does it take to live a good life?”
I’ve spent years watching the people I work for and have seen so many grasp at greatness. Too many think that ‘greatness’ comes as a result of showing power. Yet, aunt Elva’s most enduring lesson to me is
“But whoever would be great among you must be your servant.”Matthew 20:26
So, on behalf of Elva Minnis, I ask each of you to “Be kind, Be funny, and be good to each other.”
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